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Nate Awbrey, KSU Basketball

“It would attack things that really mattered to me. I didn’t want anyone to know. I felt like I had to think specific thoughts and do specific things or bad things were going to happen. I wanted to be a good person. I wanted to please God. I wanted to be perfect. I didn’t want to go to a counselor, it was going to be embarrassing. I was fourteen years old and I had OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). It was hindering my everyday life. It was very traumatic. For me it’s less of a physical OCD, it’s more of a mental ritual. The more you do compulsions the more the thoughts are going to come back. For example, let’s say I had a doubt about God or my relationship with Him, or anything like that. My brain would essentially think, ‘if you don’t say a specific prayer, right now, for forgiveness, you’re doomed, you’re going to hell, God doesn’t love you anymore.’ All of these intrusive thoughts are what my OCD would make me believe. There was an anxiety in me the whole time. I realized that I had to give over control and ask for help. I couldn’t fix things on my own. That’s why I had to seek out counseling, medication, and talk to mentors in my life, good Christian men and women, that would speak the truth into me. I would say OCD has made me be more reliant on God, it’s really been humbling. There is so much uncertainty in life. There is no way you can control everything. No matter what happens, God is on the throne of my life. He has His hand on my past, present, and future. No matter what’s going on in my head, I give that control over to God. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18. “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7. My name is Nate and I surrender.”

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