Sharon
“I asked myself, ‘Why did God let that little thing live?’ I was born preterm at 28 weeks. My mother was 19, and she gave birth on the way to the hospital. The car broke down, and my grandmother said, ‘Let’s not cut the umbilical cord. Let’s wrap this child in a blanket.’ I got to the hospital, and I was blue. I went into the incubator.
I grew up in a Christian home. I received Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was in boarding school. When I accepted Christ, I went back to my birth story and Jeremiah 1:5: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born, I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”
That’s when it clicked. I realized, ‘Oh, You knew. You had this plan. You knew that I was supposed to be here.’ It’s a reference point for me when I get into a difficult situation: ‘Why is this happening to me? God, am I going to survive this?’ But He knew me back then, before I was formed in my mother’s womb. He knew me when I was in that incubator.
I’ve learned so much about God, and it has helped me to grow and really understand how God is in my day-to-day life, in everything that I do, and in all the decisions that I make. It has helped me to make hard decisions and to be principled.
I struggle with low self-esteem. Sometimes I look at myself and think, ‘You can’t do this,’ or, ‘You’re not good enough.’ The devil is whispering in my ear. There was an incident in our marriage. My husband was talking to a certain lady, and it really got to me. It hurt so badly. I was destroyed. I was bleeding inside, and I bottled things up. I was suicidal. It was such a dark time. But at the end of the day, what always pulled me back was, ‘God, what would my kids do? Who will take care of them? Who will love them the way I love them?’
I started teaching myself to remember that little baby that God saved when other babies were dying in that hospital. This is me. Jesus did not get me through that for me not to love myself. When I look at myself, I see the grace of God because I don’t deserve to be where I am today. I see it as the grace of God. I tell myself, ‘This is God in your life.’
Now I turn to God in everything that I do. I acknowledged that everywhere I am, no matter where I am, God is there. Jesus is here. Jesus is in me. He’s right there. All you need to do is say, ‘Jesus, I’m here. Come into my life.’ Sometimes people feel that Jesus is so far, but maybe you're the one who's far from Him. He’s not far away. He’s nearby. He’s always there. I’ve seen Him in my life. My name is Sharon, I'm human, and I surrender.”
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