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  • humansofsurrender


“I was diagnosed with type one diabetes at the age of fourteen. That kind of made me angry with God, ‘why me?’ I probably quit going to church and being really active in my faith when I was sixteen or seventeen. I was baptized at the age of eleven. The world took over from there. I started going down the wrong path. I did a lot of drugs, drank a lot, and was very promiscuous. At that time, I felt the Holy Spirit calling on me. Like, ‘Tammy, what are you doing?’ That kind of thing. I got married in my old church. We had premarital counseling with the minister that baptized me. My first husband said ‘oh, yeah, I believe in God.’ I thought, ‘oh, okay, this could work out.’ I remember my dad getting ready to walk me down the aisle, and I just started sobbing. He said, ‘Tammy, are you okay?’ I said, ‘I don't know Dad.’ He said, ‘we don't have to do this. I can walk you out that door right there if you don't want to get married.’ I said, ‘no, you guys have mortgaged your house. It's just the jitters. I'll be fine.’ No, I wasn't fine. Every once in a while, I would try to get back into my faith. I think it was just the worldly influence of who I was living with. I finally just had enough. I said something to Him about it. I said, ‘you know, when we went to premarital counseling, you said you believed in God.’ He said, ‘I don't believe in God.’ I was like, ‘what?’ He said, ‘no, that's just crazy, Tammy.’ I did stay married 16 years and had two kids. After my divorce I backslid again. I didn't do the drugs, but I started drinking. God nudged me, ‘Tammy, are you going to repeat the situation?’ I have a lot of health issues. It's finally what knocked me in the head. About five years ago, they told me that they thought I had interstitial lung disease, a five-year life expectancy. I really started praying. I said, ‘God, if this is what you have for me, then I'm okay with it. I'm giving it all to you. I can't do this anymore, you take it all.’ ‘Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.’ Matthew 10:39. The doctor came back. He said, ‘Tammy, your first test showed that this is what you have, but the second MRI showed that you don't have that.’ I'm thinking to myself, ‘no, that was a miracle!’ I said, ‘Okay, God, I know you are not done with me, and I have something to do. I'm going to do it! No more messing around with worldly stuff.’ From then on, I've been a lot stronger in my faith. Pray and surrender all your difficulties over to Him. You will gain such peace and joy. My name is Tammy and I surrender.”

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